hotel room ftw
he shaved USA in his pubs
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
