Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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