To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
