sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
