There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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