So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
These tits shall not be calmed
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
