exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
