I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
