I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
