I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
