there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
