Little spoons don't ask big questions
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
