he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
