Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
