dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
