I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
