FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
