I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
