his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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