if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
