Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
