two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
