I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
