Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
