is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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