can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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