I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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