Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
