you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
