But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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