you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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