have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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