i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
