I want to have your abortion
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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