Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
