onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
