She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
