i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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