get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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