Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I sprained my soul last night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
