Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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