We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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