Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
