As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
