dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Too much gin, very little bucket
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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