Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
