im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
