i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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