I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
