Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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