my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
