were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I believe in your delicious
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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