i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
