somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
