The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
